Above is the Bracket of the All-Time Sports Nicknames. Sean and Max worked entirely too hard on this bad boy, argued entirely too much over the seeding, and over the final 65 names. We set out to make a bracket of 32, but before we knew it there was a list of 75 nicknames generally associated with sports figures throughout history. Cut from the list were CP3, KG, Ed “Too Tall” Jones, The HoneyBadger, Butterbean, and Pee Wee Reese. There’s no real rules. Different people have different opinions about what makes a good nickname. Major points for rhyming and creativity, but general association of the nickname with the person has to count (You can say William Perry all you want and most sports fans won’t know who you’re talking about. Refridgerator Perry? Different Story.) We polled 13 (yes, 13 of our closer friends), had them fill out brackets and figured a winner from there. Here’s the results from the first round with the results from the other rounds in subsequent posts.
**To get our results we polled 13 of our readers and asked them to fill out our brackets. Additionally Max and Sean gave points to nicknames based off a few categories, including the amount a nickname is used in place of the person’s real name, creativity, and creation story. Max and Sean also made some choices because we could.
Play in game: Ickey over The Losing Pitcher:
Honestly, The Losing Pitcher was kind of a joke inclusion in this bracket, he had no real chance against the power of the Ickey Shuffle.
Northwest Bracket:
(1) Babe over (16) Ickey:
Babe was a 1 seed for a reason, his spot included all his nicknames. The Sultan of Swat and The Great Bambino are almost perfect nicknames.
(9) Big Papi Over (8)Golden Bear:
Our first upset. I suspect an anti-golf bias here hurt Nicklaus, the second best golfer ever.
(5) Charlie Hustle over (12) Mr. Big Shot:
Charlie Hustle was unchallenged by what used to be a good nickname for Chauncy Billups. 5 vs 12 matchups are usually good for an upset or two, not here. Pete Rose epitomized this nickname.
(4) Pudge over (13) Tractor Traylor
Tractor Traylor is less of a nickname than a play on the guy’s real name. Pudge on the other hand, is such a good nickname for a Hall of Fame caliber catcher that it got reused for Ivan Rodriguez.
(6) Goose Gossage over (11) The Shark
Honestly, both great nicknames. It’s possible the anti-golf bias reared its head again but the voting on this one was super close, Goose won in a toss up.
(3) Sweetness over (14) Doc Gooden
Doc is a good nickname but it’s not original. Sweetness, however, is a phenomenal nickname for one of the best running backs ever, Walter Payton.
(10) The Mailman over (7) The Bus
Our second upset. The Bus couldn’t be more apt to describe Jerome Bettis but the voters preferred Karl Malone’s The Mailman. Really, it’s hard to vote against either of these.
(2) Dr. J over (15) The Stormin’ Mormin
Though Chris Berman made Todd Heap’s nickname famous, it really didn’t stand a chance against the power-house that is Dr. J. This one was a rout.
Southwest Bracket:
(1)Tiger over (16) The Kid
Did you know Tiger wasn’t his real name? Me neither. Move over Griffey Jr.
(9) Megatron over (8) Broadway Joe
This one was real close. Broadway Joe is a great nickname but Megatron benefited strongly from its newness and the amazing season Calvin Johnson just had.
(6) The Great One over (12) Hammerin’ Hank
There was some controversy over the seedings here, some thought Hammerin’ Hank should have been seeded higher but unfortunately he was not an got a really tough draw. I think The Great One is one of the only nicknames that could have staved off this upset in round one. Dangerous nickname going forward.
(4) Catfish Hunter over (13) L.T.
The voters didn’t approve of the lack of creativity in Lawrence Taylor’s nickname. Catfish moved on easily.
(6) Big Baby over (11) The Flyin’ Hawaiian
A very close matchup. Shane Victorino can hold his head high as his nickname put up a great fight but was ultimately defeated by Big Baby. Call this one a buzzer beater. 8-5
(3) Primetime over (14) The Big Train
Primetime, which includes Sander’s other nickname, Neon Deion, is perhaps the strongest 3 seed in the tourney. Walter Johnson’s nickname should just be happy to be here.
(7) The Round Mound of Rebound over (10) Wilt the Stilt
Sir Charles’ nickname took this all basketball matchup. Wilt the Stilt is really a top quality nickname but Round Mound was just more than it could handle.
(2) Stan the Man over (15) The Iron Horse
Stan the Man rolls off the tongue perfectly, just say it. Stan the Man.
NorthEast Bracket
1 Shoeless Joe Jackson vs 16 Birdman
As entertaining as Birdman is, he’s very simply got nothing on Shoeless Joe Jackson. He received exactly zero votes in our polling. Well, he got one vote and Max subsequently threw that ballot out. Shoeless Joe Jackson and his .356 career average moves on.
8 Chipper Jones vs 9 Crime Dog
Chipper and Crime Dog was a good matchup. The chants in Shea Stadium of “Laaaarrrrry” scored points for Jones, but the Crime Dog won the matchup 8-5 among our 13 pollers.
5 Refridgerator Perry vs 12 Smokin’ Joe Frazier
The ‘Fridge had to work to get the 5 seed, but there’s a youtube video that should help him in his second round matchup that makes it painfully obvious just how awesome Refrigerator Perry was. Frazier was a man among men and passed away in November. One of only three men to knock Muhammad Ali down in a professional fight, Frazier still gets beat by the Fridge and it’s not close.
4 Shaquille O’neal vs 13 Three Finger Brown
Not close. Shaq is awesome for all the nicknames. And yes, they all count. From Shaq-tus, to the Big Leprechaun, to Diesel, Three-Finger Brown is simply not as creative. Just google the pitcher and you’ll see.
6 The Big Unit vs 11 Air Jordan
This has to be the hardest 6/11 matchup in the bracket, but Air Jordan really isn’t all that creative. Jordan was known more as M.J. or simply Jordan. The Big Unit wasn’t all that creative either. Randy was a tall guy. Still, both players were their respective bests in their heyday and had legitimate nicknames to boot. Jordan won 8-5.
3 Mr. October vs 14 Larry Legend
Larry got exactly one vote and was seriously considered in the cutting process. Mr. October proved to be a successful nickname. I mean Mr. November was a shoutout to Mr. October as was any other Mr. Anything ever thought up.
7 Wizard of Oz vs 10 Splendid Splinter
The Splendid Splinter got a tough draw here. He tops some lists as the greatest sports nickname of all time. Points for the alliteration, but the name is not one that many in our (admittedly young) demographic associate with Ted Williams. The Wizard of Oz is Great. Oz was a defensive wizard. The Wiz wins 7-6.
2 Pistol Pete vs 15 Big Mac
Pistol Pete Maravich roles off the tongue and Big Mac sounds like it was promoted entirely too much by the McDonald’s corporation. Points for Big Mac for that awesome sign in St. Louis though.
SouthEast Bracket
1 Magic Johnson vs 16 He Hate Me
Magic was my pre-results pick to finish second. He easily stomps out He Hate Me whose self adorned nickname comes from the XFL. Why do we even remember the XFL?
8 Yogi Berra vs 9 Joltin’ Joe Dimaggio
Big matchup of Yankee’s legends here. Yogi is generally more associated with his persona and I have to admit I didn’t know Yogi’s real name. It’s Lawrence Peter by the way and Berra wins the 8 vs 9 matchup 8-5.
5 King James vs 12 The Glove
King James may have been the weakest 5 seed and The Glove was a late add to the bracket who probably deserved a better seed. Gary “The Glove” Payton wins the matchup against “The King” who really hasn’t even been at the top of the game yet.
4 Sugar Ray Leonard vs 13 Ocho Cinco
I love the Ocho Cinco nickname. It’s hilarious and a gross interpretation of Spanish, but matched up against Sugar Ray? Sugar Ray is just so smooth. Leonard isn’t the original Sugar Ray so he loses points in later rounds.
6 Mean Joe Green vs 11 The Flying Tomato
Mean Joe Green beats The Flying Tomato, but we need to keep in mind the originality of Shawn White’s nickname. It’s really quite good.
3 The Rocket vs 14 Vlad the Impaler
Absolutely adore Vlad the Impaler. The Rocket loses points because of steroid accusations but gains points for having played in Houston at one point in his career. Rocket is just generally a phenomenal nickname.
7 Mexicutioner vs 10 The Say Hey Kid
Little Known Fact: The Mexicutioner is not actually Mexican. Manny Pacquiao is from the Phillapines. The Say Hey Kid was truly a great nickname that needs to be more respected in our generation. He went first overall in our All-Time Draft and did things that made you Say Hey. That’s not the reason for his nickname though. We’ll uncover that mystery in the next round as Willie Mays advances.
2 El Duque vs 15 The Machine
El Duque wins in a landslide as he’s more generally associated with the nickname. However, major points to Pujols for this commercial.
Round 1 is done. We have the voting for Round 2 done and expect it up sometime tomorrow. Comment away about your picks or fill out a bracket and argue with your friends about it. It’s really a fun exercise. Is Babe still the favorite? Does the Round Mound of Rebound have a shot against Stan the Man? Is El Duque on his way to the final four?
The Bracket as it stands after the Round of 65.
-Max “The Matrix” Frankel and Sean “Giggles” Morash
