The first in hopefully a long line of informal baseball dialogues between the founders of OTBB. Inspired by our friends over at the Classical.
Max Frankel:
Did you watch the quiet and unheralded return of AROD last night? Or did the audio stylings of Hawk Harrelson keep you away?
Sean Morash:
I’ve considered dropping Alejandro de Aza from my fantasy roster because his performance may suffer from Hawk’s hoots to “get up” or “stretch.”
But then I watched this video in which the interviewer asks him to pronounce his name–“Alejandro,” and I know he’ll be OK.
MF:
My recent problem with Hawk is his transition to the MLB network. I’m convinced that his recent coining of the phrase “The Will to Win” is a thinly veiled attempt to murder Keith Law via aneurysm.
SM:
“The Will to Win” is part of what makes A-Rod’s return so important. I’m not sure there’s ever been a more important 51 game regular season stretch for a baseball player. He’s literally playing for the right to have Hawk Harrelson call his games ever again, assuming announcers cannot be demoted.
MF:
I think Hawk has 10/5 rights at this point. And yeah, I’m not sure anyone has ever had more to prove in 51 games than AROD right now. But on the other hand, what does he really have to prove? Who cares how he plays? What I don’t get about this whole AROD thing is why there is any interest. His legacy is sealed. Unless he hits gets 99 hits in the next two months and breaks Aaron’s home run record, all while pissing with the stall door open, what’s going to change?
SM:
His legacy is so tainted he needs to stop trying and go be with his centaur mural. I got upset today when I realized I drafted AROD on my all-time team. His numbers mean nothing anymore. At this point we can assume he was juicing when he was in high school, in Seattle, Texas, and now New York. But (as I rant about that myself): what’s with baseball and baseball writers defaming their old stars instead of glamorizing the new young studs? How many people know what Jean Segura is doing this year? Not enough.
MF:
Is the problem with AROD Jean Segura? I don’t know, I kind of empathize with all the AROD stuff actually. It’s like this great figure, a boyhood hero, was actually something else entirely. It’s like finding out that: WAIT–actually, George Washington blamed the whole cherry tree thing on the neighbor’s kid. Or that he was controlled from the inside by a tiny robot. (The robot being the steroids giving Washington superhuman founding father powers. Or something.)
SM:
I never understood why Yankees fans hated A-Rod, but now I get it. You just found out that he was fake before everyone else did. It’s like you were the kid in 3rd grade who knew Superman was a cartoon before everyone else. Or the Jewish kid whose parents filled him in early on Santa.
MF:
I hate this Yankee team. Which sucks as a Yankee fan. But it almost feels right to hate any team that includes Lyle Overbay as an integral part and still is struggling to get under $190 million payroll. You see Vernon Wells make his first career start at 1b last night? Underratedly the biggest story of the game.
SM:
I did not… the German time change lends itself very poorly to actually watching night games. Did you see that Chris Stewart has the fourth highest WAR among Yankee position players? The team is laughably constructed. Announcers actually said this the other night: “And batting 6th, playing first base, Brent Lillibridge.”
What’s more, this is a team that could really benefit from AROD being AROD. They’re in fourth place, 9.5 games out in the AL East, and 5 games out of the Wild Card.
MF:
The problem with the Yankees is that they can never ‘rebuild’ per say. This is the perfect time, too. Jeter seems committed to playing in 3-game bursts with ample vacation time in between, and the rest of the team is a mess. They should have dumped Granderson, Nunez, Nova (who actually would have been one of the better pitchers available) and any other assets at the deadline for prospects. They are 5 games out of the Wild Card but it might as well be 50.
(God, I feel like a Royals fan.)
If AROD plays well, any chance the Yankees can pay his whole salary and then dump him for free on the Red Sox, in kind of a sabotage maneuver?
SM:
AROD to Miami seems like a real possibility in 2015 (when the Marlins will be good btw). But, I’m still waiting for the pictures of the epic AROD and Jeffrey Loria yacht race to surface. I heard that Doctor Evil was there.
MF:
You think AROD will ever play a single MLB game after this season?
SM:
If Bonds couldn’t get a job…
MF:
I think he’s done. He can barely move now. Two full seasons away from the game? C’mon. No. Also, is it me or is it stupid to appeal unless he thinks he’s done. As it stands now he’s sacrificing half of 2015 so he can play in 2013. Why do that and not just start fresh Opening Day 2015? He knows this is it.
SM:
Do you think he thinks he’s clean? What if AROD goes all Ryan Braun on us and gets out of it? What if he’s actually clean and this conspiracy by the Yankees/MLB is actually true? Maybe I’m so tired of the AROD bashing that I’m starting to see his light, but is it really so far fetched that everyone hates him because he’s beautiful?
MF:
Yes. Yes it is. He is utterly delusional. Barely human. Maybe the most vain person alive. I cannot believe that Selig would risk his entire reputation on this “mountain of evidence” if it was actually nothing. If the syringe fits…..
SM:
….you must acquit. AROD sucks. He’ll never be in the Hall of Fame and he may go down as a bigger face of steroids than Bonds.
Btw, the Braves have won 11 straight and have the second best record in baseball behind the Pirates.
MF
Think of that sentence: ‘behind the Pirates.” America’s team! I’m behind the Buccos 100%. All the way to October baby. I’m thinking of ordering my Jose Tabata jersey tonight.
SM:
Their pitching staff right now is absolutely filthy! A.J. Burnett has turned into a leader, Jeff Locke is apparently really good, Liriano found his Emperor’s new groove and Gerrit Cole is learning the ropes with his 100 mph fastball. My one problem is that their Jolly Roger has red in it. I much prefer my Jolly Roger sans red.
MF:
Hey, whatever it takes. After more than two losing decades in a row he might be purple by now if I’m in charge. And of course Burnett is good now. Heaven forbid he was nasty in the Bronx. Anyway, I have a legitimate question though: What am I missing about Andrew Mccutchen? He’s a good average guy with good power, speed, and defense. He’s not great at anything? What makes him better than Cago? Is he better than Cargo? Is he not a poor man’s Matt Kemp? Or a rich man’s David Dejesus?
SM:
If I remember right, he was my vote for NL MVP last year heading into September, but I don’t know if you can call him a poor man’s Matt Kemp. He’s always produced. He’s always hit for power and stolen bases, but there’s something about him that doesn’t say superstar. Even while he’s on the cover of MLB The Show, he’s not a star and I don’t know why.
MF:
Kinda like Cargo actually. By the numbers Gonzalez is one of the best in baseball. Is it the PR black hole in Denver that keeps him off of video game covers?
Check him out: 20-20, four years in a row. Over .300 in three of those years. Plus a batting title. He’s nasty.
75 % steal percentage, career. With over 100 steals and a ton of power.
SM:
We’re bloggers… Can’t we make Car-Go a star?
Maybe if he asked for money to sign signatures or was a true freshman quarterback in the SEC, the national media would take care.
MF:
I’m in on the Cargo thing. It’s a new OTBB mission!
And ok, let’s go there. I’m not sure who to be pissed at: the media for harping on every little thing or Manziel for being such a huge freaking idiot. I mean is he kidding? How dumb do you have to be?
Maybe we shouldn’t go there…. AROD, Manziel, we’re only Reily Cooper’s N-bomb away from being bad sports radio here….
SM:
I’m just tired of the NCAA farce. There’s gotta be some epic Shakespeare quote that would sum up A-Rod and Manziel and Car-Go at once, while also making no sense whatsoever. In iambic pentameter.
Do you think Manziel would have accepted Milk Duds as payment for his signature?
MF:
Were the milk duds soaked in vodka?
And I found the Shakespeare quote for you. Which is good because I’m at work and have to go to a meeting in about nine minutes.
SM:
Yeah, Milk Dud Vodka… we may have just saved he world. Hit me with some Shakespeare.
MF:
A la AROID:
“A peace is of the nature of a conquest; for then both parties nobly are subdued, and neither party loser.”
– Henry IV: Part 2, Act 4, Scene 1
Boom. Talk to you later, enjoy the German beer and softball twins. The central time zone says hi.
-Max Frankel and Sean Morash
Stat of the Day: Sean Morash attempted to incorporate Jar-Jar Binks references and quotes into the post. Twice. Thankfully, OTB has an editor.
