Baseball Player TV Shows That Need to Happen
On January 17th, news broke that former New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez would soon be hosting a TV show helping young athletes to manage their money. A-Rod is the perfect mentor for these talented youth who have just come into money, as A–Rod himself was once a talented youth who earned himself the richest contract in the history of baseball (twice). I’m not sure when the show starts, but it doesn’t much matter because it will live in Youtube glory alongside his 1990s Mariners shortstop days.
Well that got Off The Bench to thinking. It’s usually dangerous when Off The Bench gets to thinking as illcoceived (and potentially dangerous0 plots for entertainment are often born, but this was a much more benign brainstorm. What other baseball player shows would we like to see?
Pimp My Ride hosted by Yoenis Cespedes
When Cespedes signed his $75 Million deal last offseason, he showed up to that Spring Training in increasingly lavish cars. Consecutively, the baseball Twitter world saw Cespedes roll up in somewhere near $300,000 worth of very nice automobiles. If anyone in baseball knows swag, it is Yoenis Cespedes. Also, we miss Pimp My Ride. The world would be a better place if a silly Yoenis Cespedes car show existed.
Interior Design with Zack Greinke
Greinke is a bit of a weirdo. In this show, Zack just goes in and decorates people’s homes the same way every time. Each corner of a particular room is dedicated to a pitch in Greinke’s repertoire. At the end of the episode and once the remodel is complete, Zack strikes out the homeowner. The show would be hilarious because Greinke would love every redesign as if it were his first. Unfortunately, I can see this show coming to en end when producers attempt to redesign a circular room and Greinke’s fung shui is all wrong.
Big Papi’s Big Puppy Hour
An hour long show of David Ortiz playing with puppies with various special guests also visiting puppy land. Who wouldn’t watch this?
Moving On with Keith Hernandez
Keith Hernandez helps now broke stars move on from their mansions and life of luxury.
Life in Miami with Ichiro Suzuki
You’re telling me you wouldn’t watch a show about Ichiro Suzuki in Miami? What does he possibly do every day? Is he a pimp and boss at the clubs or does he stay in sweatpants ~80% of the time playing as himself in The Show on PS4? Either way, he’s a fascinating creature.
Gaming 103 with Joel Zumaya
Joel Zumaya once threw a baseball 103 miles per hour. Then, Joel Zumaya broke his pitching arm playing guitar hero. He was never the same pitcher and is likely retired now. What do I remember about Joel Zumaya’s career? He threw very hard, and apparently video gamed even harder. I once paid to watch him pitch. I’d watch him video game now.
Robinson Cano’s Sweet Spots: Top Romantic Getaways
Cano has the sweetest swing in baseball. I’m sure he picked up a few romantic tips from being Derek Jeter’s double play partner for a decade. This show is part travel, and part just watching Cano hit baseballs in exotic places. I imagine that’s how he picks up girls, anyway.
A couple of other quick hitters:
- Jarrod Saltalamacchia’s Spelling Challenge
- The Wonderful World of Birds with Greg Bird
- Pete Rose hosts the World Series of Poker
- Hunter Pence’s Believe It or Not
- Max Effort with Hanley Ramirez
- Madison Bumgarner Chops Down a Tree
- Joe Maddon Yoga
- Eating Right with Prince Fielder (editor’s Note: This is actually in the works)
- Star Wars trivia with Joba Chamberlain
What’d we miss? How do we go about making some of these a reality? The season is about to get started, but I would love any of these shows to help me get through next offseason.
-Sean Morash
