Let’s Make a Team Out of Pokemon
A little over a month ago, the Japanese Pokemon animated cartoon aired an episode in which there was a baseball game. It was hilariously Pokemon, and even the type of people who critique animation style called it the most ridiculous episode yet. Ridiculous baseball is what Pokemon week here at Off The Bench is all about! Today’s post is about assembling the best possible baseball team out of Pokemon.
In thinking through this, I did some light googling and found that last year, milb.com ran a post titled the ultimate Pokemon baseball team. I don’t like to write about things that others have already covered, but I set out to do this and it’s Pokemon Week so I’ll break my blogging rule. They set out the following rules:
A) The Pokémon must be able to survive on land – apologies to Gyrados, Seadra, and the rest of the water dwelling creatures.
B) The Pokémon needs to have arms and hands with the exception of Farfetch’d, who has a documented history in both the game and television show of holding a stick in its wings.
C) The Pokémon must potentially be able to hold a bat/throw a ball. This rules out Hitmonchan, who has arms but is wearing boxing gloves, and Haunter who has hands but can’t hold anything due to its ghostly physical properties.
D) Only Pokémon from the original 151 are eligible. We’re traditionalists that way.
I have the following thoughts:
- A – OK, Reasonable. I toyed with the idea of rolling a large fish tank onto a fictional baseball field, but decided that was somehow even beyond my own silliness threshold.
- B – No. If Air Bud can play baseball, so, too can unarmed Pokemon.
- C – No. Again, Pokemon are tremendously powerful creatures. I am not going to discriminate based on physical appearance.
- D – Yes. Agreed.
So, here’s your full squad:
Catcher – Machamp
Machamp has four arms. That’s a good start for a catcher. He’s also a tremendous athlete and should contribute at the plate. No word yet on if he will use traditional baseball gear or simply karate chop the baseball to either stop it behind the plate or while batting.
First Base – Snorlax
Snorlax is an ideal first baseman for a variety of reasons. First, he’s a huge target. Second, he’s pretty slow so he fits the traditional first baseman stereotype. Third, imagine a situation where Snorlax just lays down across first base and doesn’t allow anyone to reach the base safely. Seems like the Snorlax lay could necessitate changes in baseball’s first base rules.
Second Base – Marowak
Second base is typically manned by a smaller, faster, more agile type of player Pokemon. Marowak is that, but I am most optimistic about its ability at the plate. Marowak literally walks around all the time with a club in his hand. What he gives up on defense, I believe he will make up for at the plate.
Shortstop – Mr. Mime
Shortstops are known for their glovework. Mimes also are known for what they do with gloves on their hands. Mr. Mime has two gloved hands. This is 100% more than the average shortstop. Mr. Mime has the potential to be 100% better than the average shortstop.
Third Base – Blastoise
I’m fairly confident Blastoise would be a tremendous third baseman. He’s big, quick, and would definitely hit for lots of power. Blastoise might even be able to keep the hot corner cool by constantly spraying water around his general area.
Left Field – Charizard
All of my outfielders are going to be able to fly; I like the idea of them catching a ball heading over the fence. I am not simply valuing defense in the outfield. Nay, I think Charizard could be a wonderful offensive force. He’s enormous, but his short arms may make him susceptible to pitches on the outer half of the zone.
Center Field – Aerodactyl
A tremendously quick flying Pokemon roving the outfield? Yes, please. Toss in the fact that he is known to “go for the enemy’s throat with its serrated saw-like fangs” and I want him in my starting 9.
Right Field – Dragonite
Basically all of the promise of Charizard, but a few years younger and without the small arm concern. Dragonite is said to be an extremely intelligent Pokemon, which is good news considering the characters that are to be taking the field with him.
Starting Pitcher – Alakazam
Alakazam is the fastest Pokemon among the original 151, which I think translates to pitching velocity. He also has the “inner focus” and “calm mind” abilities that are necessary for pitchers. He’s sure to confuse and disable opposing batters as he remains one step ahead at all times.
Closing Pitcher – Psyduck
I want someone a little crazy in the bullpen. Psyduck fits that bill and is sure to psych out the opposing batters, even if he doesn’t have the velocity that one typically seeks in a relief pitcher.
-Sean Morash
