Off The Rankings: The 5 Best MLB Players to be Stuck on a Deserted Island With
Has anyone ever actually gotten stuck on a deserted island? Probably not, but as this year’s March Madness tournament is showing us, literally anything can happen.
If a 16 seed can beat a 1 seed by 20 points, and the Cubs can win a world series, you can definitely find yourself on a deserted island. Thankfully, you won’t be alone. Instead, you’ll be stuck with one of these 5 MLB players, who each bring their own special ability to the game of survival.
Munenori Kawasaki – Special Ability: Scare Tactics
Kawasaki is still learning English, but that may help you. Nothing he says seems to make sense, but being in pro ball for a number of years has at least given him a consistent work ethic.
When you run into enemies on this island, Kawsaki will shine. His high-pitched voice and rapid talking pace may be enough to scare away even the largest predators (unless the enemy is the middle of the Yankees lineup. In that case, good luck) and keep them away for good.
His wiry body makes him a surprisingly intimidating figure, and if he wears his sport goggles, there is no doubt that the dangerous depths of the unknown will stay far away from both you and Kawasaki.
Madison Bumgarner – Special Ability: Gathering Materials
If you know how to survive, but are just too lazy to do it, then Bumgarner is the guy for you. A North Carolina native whose offseason workouts consist of chopping down trees like Paul Bunyon, he is a real weapon.
Bumgarner can harvest any material your deserted heart desires, and he’ll even help you make a fire and some legitimate shelter. As he showed in the 2014 World Series, his stamina is otherworldly, proving he can work all day.
If an enemy happens to challenge him to a battle, whether it be pitching or hitting, Bumgarner has a good chance to make the opponent look stupid. Be careful however, if you betray him, he will turn on you like an inside fastball.
Jose Altuve – Special Ability: Agility
One of the league’s more elusive players, Altuve’s lack of size and abundance of speed can be key to surviving in the middle of nowhere. Like Bumgarner, he can help harvest, but he can hit those tough-to-reach places that normal humans cannot reach.
A diligent worker, Altuve won’t be afraid to scale any surface at any height. Coconut in the top of a tree? No problem. Firewood in the valley? Consider it done. Importantly, Altuve is also the reigning MVP so you know you’ll be getting a quality companion. Though his odds for repeating the AL MVP feat in 2018 are among the top 3 players.
A Venezuela native who plays in Texas, Altuve is already used to a warm climate, and can help keep you hydrated. But, an enemy ambush will cause him to flee the scene in an instant, and his small frame will make him nearly impossible to find.
Mike Trout – Special Ability: Sharpshooting
Can’t hurt to have the games best player with you. Think about it, just about every time he swings, he barrels the ball up. His outs are loud, and his hits even louder. Trout spends his offseason back home in New Jersey hunting and fishing, and has become a true outdoorsmen.
If you build the shelter, Trout will provide you with enough food to last an entire season. On a deserted island, food cannot be taken for granted, and neither can Trout.
He’s loyal, durable, and overall a great choice as a companion for your life or death excursion.
Paul DeJong – Special Ability: Healing
Sure, DeJong just had a breakout year, hitting .285 with 25 home runs in 108 games, but that isn’t what makes him a good candidate for this job. He graduated from Illinois State University with a degree in biochemistry, and was a pre-med student.
DeJong is by far the best option. He has strength, range, and can save your life. He’s one of the more promising players in the league, and bonding with him over a nice meal of leaves and worms can only help your chances to survive.
Needless to say, choose wisely. Aside from being stud ballplayers, all of these people have the intangibles to be the Wilson to your Tom Hanks. And remember, if Bartolo Colon can string together a 20-year MLB career, you can make it off this island.
