B-Ref Top Ten: Nicknames
One of the best ways to waste time online is by digging around on Baseball-Reference. This series explores the top ten Baseball-Reference pages in a given category for the purpose of gawking in amazement, curiosity, and wonder. These are not necessarily the ten best ever, but they are the ten most fascinating. Other installments can be found here, here, here, and here.
People can debate which sport is the best to play or watch, but there is no arguing about which has the best nicknames. Ever since the days of Charlie “The Old Woman in the Red Cap” Pabor, the baseball world has decided that players’ given birth names were largely insufficient. Baseball-Reference commemorates nicknames on their player pages, as well as this comprehensive list.
There are several genres of nicknames, including:
- Talent (Roberto “The Great One” Clemente)
- Style (Pete “Charlie Hustle” Rose)
- Hometown (Mickey “The Commerce Comet” Mantle from Commerce, Oklahoma)
- Nameplay (Rich “Goose” Gossage)
- Appearance (Bartolo “Big Sexy” Colon)
There are so may phenomenal nicknames that it’s hard to choose just ten. Nevertheless, here are the top ten B-Ref player pages for nicknames.
10. Thurman Munson
Baseball clubhouses are strange places. Thurman Munson was a team captain and 1976 AL MVP. Clearly, he commanded the respect of his teammates. Still, they saw fit to call him “Tug Boat,” “Squatty Body,” and “The Walrus.” Even if you don’t know anything else about him, you can be sure these monikers could only be ascribed to a catcher.
9. Mitch Williams
For anyone who saw Mitch Williams in his prime, “Wild Thing,” “Mitchie-Poo,” and especially “Dumb Dumb” were all appropriate for different reasons. The fact that this man became an analyst on MLB Network says all you need to know about the state of mainstream baseball discourse.
8. Antonio Alfonseca
Baseball players aren’t great at biology. Two players in MLB history have been called “The Octopus.” One was Marty Marion, a slick shortstop for the St. Louis Cardinals in the 1940s who gobbled up grounders as though he had eight arms. The second was Antonio Alfonseca, who benefited from having six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot. With all the six-legged creatures in the world at their disposal, they chose… an octopus? Maybe they’re bad at counting, too.
7. Jumbo Latham
As nicknames go, “Jumbo” is fairly common. Jumbo Latham is one of ten players whose first name has been replaced altogether with “Jumbo.” The most recent was Jumbo Diaz, listed at 6’4, 315 lb. Latham, who played in the 1800s, was 5’8, 164. He weighed 52% of Diaz.
6. Lou Boudreau
Many pre-expansion era nicknames were goofy or silly by today’s standards but rarely were they as oxymoronic as Lou Boudreau’s. B-Ref commemorates the following three: “Old Shufflefoot,” “Handsome Lou,” and “The Good Kid.” Perhaps these were from different stages of his career; it’s impossible to be old, handsome, and a kid all at the same time.
5. Bronson Arroyo
No one has is attributed to more nicknames than Bronson Arroyo. Here they are, ranked (a ranking within a ranking!):
- Saturn Nuts
- Free Love
- Dirty
- Tacks
- Smokey
- BroYo
4. Johnny Dickshot
Not every ballplayer can be as handsome as Lou Boudreau. In fact, some reside at the other end of the spectrum. In these cases, players usually get an indirect reference to their looks, such as Don “Ears” Mossi, or something sarcastic, like Rich “El Guapo” Garcés. Johnny Dickshot wasn’t so fortunate. They just straight-up called him “Ugly.” Oh well, it’s not like his given name is any better.
3. Pablo Sandoval
Pablo Sandoval is another collector of multiple nicknames. “Little Money” is just okay, but “Kung Fu Panda” and “Round Mound of Pound” are works of art. Sadly, the greatest nickname of all, “Fat Ichiro,” was removed from his page a few years ago. Otherwise, he might have ranked even higher than #3.
2. Babe Ruth
1920s sportswriters really flexed their alliterative muscles for George Herman Ruth. When he was an ace pitcher for the Red Sox, “Babe” was perfectly sufficient; “Bambino” if you’re feeling fancy. Once he became a Yankee outfielder and demolished every home run record, “Colossus of Clout,” “Sultan of Swat,” and “King of Crash” were in order.
1. Seunghwan Oh
Seungwhan Oh was the Mariano Rivera of Korea from 2005-2013, and equally successful in Japan in 2014 and 2015. When he joined the St. Louis Cardinals in 2016, he brought his two glorious nicknames with him. “Stone Buddha” is a wonderful name in its own right, but “Final Boss” is the most perfect nickname ever conceived. It simply pairs brilliantly with the most dominant closer in Korean baseball history (he still holds the KBO saves record). Given how video games with final bosses and modern closer usage both became en vogue in the 1980s, it’s astonishing no one thought of this earlier. Someone really should have used it for Dennis Eckersley or Lee Smith. Maybe they were just waiting for someone like Oh to come around. All hail the Final Boss.
