Albert Pujols Stuck on 2,999 Hits For….Ever?
Currently, Albert Pujols has 2,999 career hits. He’s not stuck by any means; he collected a double last night and two hits the game before. His .248 batting average indicates that, given 4 at bats, he’ll probably get his 3,000th hit tonight. But what if he didn’t get it tonight? Or the next night? The whole month of May? The whole season? What follows is an alternate reality (hopefully) in which Pujols never gets another hit. To be clear, we’re absolutely not wishing this upon The Machine. It’s just for fun.
May 4, 2018- Safeco. Yuck. Pujols wanted it to happen at home. It didn’t seem fair that he had to achieve his biggest milestone- the crowning single accomplishment of his career- in rival territory. Oh well, at least there’s a silver lining to going 0-4 with 2 strikeouts. If he hit a really bad slump, he could go back to Anaheim still on 3,000. No, that’s ridiculous. This is the start of a five-game road trip. No one wants to wait that long for one hit.
May 6, 2018- “Albert, do you feel like you’re pressing too hard?” “Mr. Pujols, is the weight of 3,000 hits getting to you?” “Do you think the Mariners found a hole in your swing?” “Have you thought about putting down a surprise bunt just to get it out of the way?”
“The Mariners have a good pitching staff, and I just didn’t get it the last three games. The credit goes to them for pitching so well. With God’s grace, I’ll get it soon. It’s only been a few days.”
May 9, 2018- It’s undeniable: Pujols is in a qualified slump. He’s 0-19 since doubling in the second inning six days ago. Mike Scioscia gives him a day off on the final game of the road trip in Colorado. That way he can “clear his mind” and “reset himself” before the long homestand. With 11 consecutive games in Anaheim, he’s certain to get his 3,000th in front of the home crowd.
May 17, 2018- Two weeks. Pujols had never gone two weeks in his entire life without getting a hit. Even in the offseason. Riding an unforgivable 0-44 skid, his batting average has dropped to .183. Scioscia tried everything: rest, dropping him in the lineup, then moving him back up in the lineup, DH days, pinch-hitting days. Pujols took extra BP, then tried no BP at all. He changed bats, changed batting gloves, changed the route he takes to the ballpark. He tried not changing his socks or underwear, until his wife protested. Nothing helps.
The media is ravenous. Reporters multiply every day, all asking the same questions. He has a constant headache and hasn’t slept in days. If he could just get one hit- any kind of hit- he could finally relax.
May 20, 2018- (Scioscia’s pregame press conference) “Effective today, we’re putting Albert Pujols on the 10-day disabled list with a pulled groin muscle. We don’t have a timetable for his return, but I don’t expect it will be too long. He’s been trying to play through this for quite a while now, and clearly he hasn’t been himself. The trainers told him just to rest up and we’ll reevaluate in a few days. We want to see him get 3,000 as much as everyone else, but the health of the player comes first.”
June 1, 2018- Pujols did not have a pulled groin. Physically, he felt fine. He’d been taking some swings the last few days with the trainers and hitting instructors. Everything looked OK to them. His swing was the same as ever, the swing that amassed 2,999 hits in the first place. “Another few days of rest,” they say. Meanwhile, the Angels are leading the AL West without him.
June 12, 2018- Pujols never said this to anyone out loud, but he felt ridiculous in a Salt Lake Bees uniform. He fulfilled his duties of a rehabbing major leaguer: purchasing lavish food spreads, freely sharing advice with his 20-somethings teammates, telling the media all about the talented kids down here that will make the majors soon. He’s doing everything he’s supposed to do, with one gigantic exception: he hasn’t gotten a hit. The club “promoted” him to AAA after going 0-7 with a walk at high-A Inland Empire. Now he was 0-12 in Salt Lake.
June 18, 2018- Pujols returns to the major leagues from the DL at the start of a 6-game homestand. He bats 4th against the Diamondbacks.
June 25, 2018- Another 6 hitless games. He’s now batting just .160. The Angels put him back on the DL, this time with a “hip dislocation.” He has no hip injury.
July 17, 2018- The Angels send prospects to Miami for Justin Bour. He becomes their regular first baseman for the playoff race.
September 1, 2018- When rosters expand, Pujols returns to the major league team. The expectation is that he will play intermittently, mostly DH’ing when Shohei Ohtani rests or pitches. The media circus immediately ratchets back up to the same level it was in May. Everyone wants to see #3,000. Remember the Bernie Mac movie Mr. 3000? This is more ridiculous than that.
September 30, 2018– That’s it. The season is over. Pujols finishes 0-21 in September, with an anemic .144 BA for the season. As expected, the Angels leave him off the playoff roster.
February 19, 2019- It’s been a long, dark winter. Pujols declined every interview request since last season ended. He’s become a recluse, only leaving his house to occasionally check in with trainers and take batting practice. The coaches have completely retooled his swing; he’s actually a switch-hitter now. At the insistence of Angels management, he’s seeing a sports psychologist. For the first time since 2001, he arrives at Spring Training uncertain of his place on the roster, in spite of the contract guaranteeing him another $87 million through 2021.
March 12, 2019- Pujols’ heart pounds as he slowly walks through the clubhouse. He’s been summoned by GM Billy Eppler in Scioscia’s office. All of his work this winter has been for naught; he’s hitless through 31 plate appearances this spring. He knows what this meeting is about. The entire baseball world knows.
One foot in front of the other, the manager’s door creeps closer. He hasn’t been this nervous in the clubhouse since… he can’t remember when. This is not the ending he envisioned.
He opens the door and sits. Eppler and Scioscia speak words, but Pujols can’t hear them. He only catches glimpses. “Looking to the future.” “Advisory role.” “Good of the team.” Bizarrely, he smiles. This is the meeting every player dreads, yet he feels at peace. No more stress, no more questions about 3,000 or the contract. Maybe tonight, he can finally get some sleep.
August, 2024- With 97% of the vote, Pujols is a first ballot Hall of Famer. His plaque describes his 620 HR, 3 MVPs, and his Rookie of the Year. Ichiro Suzuki is a first ballot Hall of Famer as well. The first line of his plaque acknowledges his 3,089 hits. But there’s no mention of Pujols’ hit total, still stuck on 2,999.
-Daniel R. Epstein.
