Baseball, Failure, and Scott Pruitt
Scott Pruitt – the scandal-ridden Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, possibly the most corrupt cabinet official in American history, subject of 17 federal ethics investigations, climate change denier, and a guaranteed Top 5 Finisher in any Worst Person in the World competition – finally lost his job today. While Pruitt’s many failure’s eventually cost him his job, in baseball, failure is inherent to the game. And that got me thinking: where in baseball lore – with failure at every turn – can we find examples of egregious incompetence that is still – somehow – less egregious than Scott Pruitt’s tenure.
And with that, we present Off The Bench Baseball‘s Official Incomplete List of People in Baseball History Better at Things Than Scott Pruitt Was at: Being a decent human; Running the EPA; Doing anything right; Not being corrupt; and Protecting the environment as he was so charged:
- The 1962 New York Mets at winning baseball games
- Jon Lester at picking off runners
- Jim Joyce at umpiring first base in the 9th inning of a perfect game
- 50 Cent at throwing out first pitches
- Manny Machado at playing shortstop
- Jeff Francoeur at being good at baseball after 2008
- Mario Mendoza at hitting
- Stan “Mr. 3000” Ross at counting hits accurately
- Jon Coppolella at getting away with being a rule-breaking executive
- Woody Woodward at trading prospects for middle relievers
- Joe Cleary at having a long major league career
- For real, this guy pitched 1 game in 1945, gave up 5 hits, 3 walks, and 7 ERs in 1/3 of an inning before being relieved by a man with just 1 leg (who then proceeded to throw 5 1/3 shutout innings). Amazing.
- ‘For the Love of the Game’ at being a good movie
- Editor’s note: This is not the view of Off The Bench; this is the view of one deranged, renegade writer.
- Bill Bergen at not having the lowest full season WAR of all time
- Rafael Palmiero at telling the truth to Congress
- Sammy Sosa at speaking English
- Holiday camouflage uniforms at not being awful
- Merkle at making a boner
- Ozzie Guillen at being culturally sensitive in South Florida
- Freddie Gonzalez at using his closer in big spots
- Paul O’Neil at respecting water coolers
- Jose Canseco at pitching
- Joey Gallo at getting hits the other way
- Rich Hill at staying healthy
- The Marlins at public relations
- The Orioles at international scouting
- Bartolo Colon at dieting
- Any Rays starting pitcher at pitching into the 6th inning
- Any Molina brother at running
You suck, Scott Pruitt.
-Max Frankel
